An on-line publication - can it BE a publication if it's not on paper? - had a story about the "scandal" involving Barak Obama and his alleged smoking. Apparently he's had trouble quitting. I couldn't help myself. I had to reply, and pronto. Here's the text of my statesman-like remarks:
What a steamin' pile of horse dookey. I started smoking at 9, stealing the Old Man's Chesterfields (non-filter) and thinking I looked cool. In my case, it was true. But the fact that a guy had problems quitting is a mark against him? Get the fuck out.
I quit after 22 years without any problems, and I have 6 ex-wives, a lifelong affinity for marijuana, haven't been to church in 45 years and am on a first-name basis with literally dozens of strippers. In short, I am a vile man. But I quit smokin' and never looked back!
So vote for me. My platform is simple: a whorehouse on every corner and two in the middle of the block. At least that's one way to stop these murderous shooting sprees at college.